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Saturday, February 13, 2021

How To Deal An Abusive Relationship With Yourself

 Based on the Oxford Languages’’ definition, self-abuse is a behavior that causes damage or harm to oneself. Merriam-Webster, on the other hand says that it is an abuse of one’s body or health.


20% of the global population is in an abusive relationship with a partner or family member. A significant number if you may say. However, around that 80% of the world’s total population is in an abusive relationship with themselves, something that not all of us know. It is called self-abuse.

Image: iheartintelligence

The Stranger in The Mirror Is You

Thinking about how someone else is treating you the way you treat yourself is a way to know if you abuse yourself. What will you feel if you spoke to your friend the way you are talking to yourself? If your partner neglects you the way you fail yourself and how would you feel if your co-worker judged you the way you judge yourself?

Most of the time if others would treat us the way we treat ourselves, we would feel mistreated and we would be dead-on. Therefore if it is not okay for others to mistreat us, why is it okay to treat ourselves this way? For some it is not essential but if you are going to think deeper it is vital.


The pain we unintentionally do to ourselves manifests as problems, trials and missing opportunities. When self-abuse continually happens sooner or later, it will also show up in our health even in finances.

Self-abuse can be a natural outcome of suppressing self-love. If you don’t love yourself, it also means that you don’t treat yourself well.

The reason why many people have huge reservations when it comes to self-love is that we have been deceitfully taught that we must substantiate our worth continually before we are worthy of love. This way of thinking has caused most people to go through their lives secretly feeling undeserving, therefore resenting from self-love.

If you always think that you are unworthy to be loved, not showing love to yourself and not believing in yourself this will result in chronic self-judgment.

If you are in an obnoxious relationship with yourself it will also manifest in your way of talking with yourself, certainly causing you to fill your mind with negative thinking while dismissing wisdom and having self-doubts.

Abuse of neglect includes anything that compromises your needs or losing your integrity even depriving yourself of fun and peace.


Both chronic self-judgment and withholding of self-love are abusive as is. But it also opens up for other types of abuse and most of the time, people show a lack of self-love and self-respect by abusing us. Moreover, if we are self-abusive we put ourselves in a compromising place. We don’t stand up for ourselves and we comrade with negative people who cross our non-existent restrictions.

Hard as it may sound but the problem is not with others. Because no one can ever abuse you than you are secretly mistreating yourself; how others are treating you are apparent signs. Therefore, to end some external abuses, you should stop doing it to yourself, so others will not have the chance to do it to you. Abuse can happen in some relationships, and it has caused some adverse effects in our lives. Remember that nothing can harm us, not if we allow it to.
By  Kris De Vera Estrella, IFY Books

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